Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
