Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
