Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The Olympian is in my bed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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