...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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