i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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