I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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