you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
