I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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