Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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