nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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