That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
