Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
