Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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