He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
