The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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