My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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