Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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