My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
