Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
