Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
