How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
