i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize