last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
