really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
