"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
