you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
