I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
