does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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