By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
