i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
