She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
