I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
