If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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