I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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