Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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