We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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