i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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