We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
