Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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