but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
