Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We got so high we made milksteak
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
