you didnt know i had herpes?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
