"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
