Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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