im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
