There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
