will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
