you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
