____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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