Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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