dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
