yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
